Dear Jasmine,
I created this blog in a spurt of momentous inspiration and drive; to keep myself self-responsible; to develop my writing skills including gracefully communicating my field's argon; to point to others when it becomes fuller; and to set myself in prosperity the best way I know how. to write like I'm running out of time (I loved Hamilton in junior high, sorry).
The reason I was so motivated was because of the two conferences that I'd attended this weekend. Both well worth it, and extremely informative, but more importantly- they touched me to my soul.
If I thought that I'd been heading in a singular, narrow direction before, I now feel laser focused.
I first attended a Transfer Student Climate Retreat, which pulled in numerous representative Transfer Student Center employees/heads. UC Berkeley's transfer student center, newly opened in an entirely new transfer-only dorm apartments, hosted the experience and also presented their main findings from their most recent transfer student access project which I can't immediately remember. I'm sure it has to do with peer mentorship, transfer student researchers seem to really love peer mentorship
I paid for it totally out of pocket and it is 100% Trump's fault. No pulling punches, I dished nearly $400 on this one-day experience. Oh well, at least I got to see Berkeley, and inside some of their beautiful halls
Immediately afterwards I fled Berkeley to Denver to attend NASPA's Student Success in Higher Education. This was a life-changing experience, and brought me within inches to knowing how I can reveal my whole soul with every action I make on this earth. And, it was comped. I feasted like a poor king, I shook hands and smiled wide, but more importantly, I looked forward to all of it.
Instead of terror or hostility or just plain apathy, these sessions were able to feed some life to the monster inside me waiting to take control and provide ample energy to 'solve the problem'. This is a key feature of those who have had food, financial, or housing insecurities and taken that trauma with them as it permeates all aspects of their lives: to be secure and to double and triple and quadruple check because on cannot afford to fuck up in this instance. Monster is nowhere near the right term, especially because I resonate it with it exponentially more than I resonate with my depression and lack of energy.
In other words, I think I've finally finished mourning my college experience. I have been able to reflect today and yesterday and the day before how in denial I was about how much it affected me to have my transfer experience totally chokeholded by transfer traditions like getting in and out in two years' and taking all of the classes I need as early as I possibly can.